Just in time for the holidays is a feast of epic cooking fails that are so terribly bad, they’re actually funny!
From PETA-friendly “skinned-cat cakes” to soft boiled eggs that look like Humpty Dumpty’s psychotic new girlfriend, here are 25 of the best (or should I say, worst) mistakes that people have ever made in the kitchen.
1. “My friend made a “hedgehog” for her 14-year old son’s birthday”
So, this is what happened to Sonic the Hedgehog after Sega retired his spikey old ass. Just like all the has-been celebrities that preceded him, he ended up getting a really bad spray tan and wonky dentures!
2. “Tonight was foreign culture night in my house so I decided to cook a traditional dish from Pompeii.”
Mmmm, that’s exactly how I like my meals – fried to perfection in extra hot lava and served with a side of charred pyroclastic flow! Can someone please pass the volcanic ash?
Mary’s poor little lamb needs to be put out of its misery! Just lure it into a gyro sandwich shop and smother it with some tzatziki so it can finally be at peace.
@spider-head:
“It looks like an old man covered in whipped cream.”
5. “I baked some strawberry cakes in cat molds. Once iced, they looked like burn victims.”
PETA is going to have a ball protesting the cruelty that went into making these skinned-cat cakes. But, who is going to stick up for us humans, the ones who have to actually eat this Betty Crocker-tasting taint?
7. “Black bean “burrito” my roommate made with rice paper. He was out of tortillas and said, “I didn’t think it would look like that.”
Geez, that’s why you should buy toilet paper more often! Otherwise, your roommates will be forced to get really creative with how they wrap up their toilet burritos.
9. “After simmering for hours, the recipe said to pour it through a strainer. God damnit.”
@moby323:
“I wanted to cook my wife a fancy meal for her birthday, so I started with a slow-cooked homemade chicken stock. Next time the bottle of wine stays sealed until after I finish cooking.”
Well, now that your wife is done chugging down drain pipe soup, you should probably let her out from underneath the sink. That way you can both enjoy the rest of this fabulously bland birthday meal together!
Wow, nice save! That perfect Frankenstein stitch puts your sister way ahead of the curve should Tim Burton ever need to hire a live-in birthday cake maker!
12. “I was making Thai basil chicken then I turned around for a minute and my brother put blue food dye in it. He’s 19.”
Please don’t be alarmed if you see a fluorescent green glow the next time you go potty. It’ll totally clear out of your body in, oh, maybe about 24,000 years.
13. “Husband tried to make a dolphin for my cocktail. It’s the cutest eel I’ve ever seen.”
Sooo… did your husband let Ozzy Osbourne bite off the dolphin’s head before or after he jammed an umbrella down its throat? Just saying that maybe your boo had some professional help making your drinky drink.
@Mindful_Bum:
“When the wife starts to squeal when you show her your eel…”
14. “I forgot I was making caramel at work. It’s a tad overcooked.”
This is exactly how cavemen used to make smoked Bee-BQ in the olden days. They’d throw a beehive onto the firepit and let the hot coals do all the work.
@TreebeardSomeCallMe:
“If by overcooked you mean it could be Sauron’s backup incinerator, then yes.”
Ah, this really takes me back to my childhood. Every Sunday morning I’d wake up to the smell of cheap booze, stale cigarettes, and freshly baked cinnamon sugar pooptzels. I really miss those innocent days!
@pnwbrowneyedgirl:
“Daaaaaaang, these look exactly like what I found in the alley the other day. Impressive!”
18. “Forgot to set a timer boiling eggs. The sound of them exploding reminded me.”
That’s why you’re supposed to add water before you boil them! Otherwise, you’ll get PTSD every time you go wander near the egg aisle at the grocery store.
19. “My apple broke the apple cutter and now I have a weapon.”
Hey, just wondering if your dad was that guy who hid razor blades in apples and gave them to kids on Halloween? ‘Cause he’d probably really be proud to know that his legacy lives on in your 8-edged apple shuriken!
Well, maybe if you varied your shoe’s diet instead of feeding it yesterday’s toe jam all the time, this wouldn’t have happened. Now, say you’re sorry so you can kiss and slurp it up.
22. “My own invention: eggplant with a side of melted knife .”
So the infomercials are actually true. The Miracle Blade World-Class Knife is so durable it’ll even stay sharp after having survived the Oven Scorch Trials!
@Chesterafoon:
“The wine pairing would be something in the back of the fridge that was half full for a week and no one thought to put a stopper in it.”
@LadyKaty:
“Ah, a fine overtone of ham and spoiling broccoli!”
23. “5 minutes before close after a 12-hour shift…”
Hey buddy, no one ever said cooking cocaine from scratch would be easy. Just snort it all up and start over from the beginning. I promise – you’ll totally forget this ever happened!
Okay, Dexter. Just because your show got canceled that doesn’t mean you get to be lazy and not clean up after murdering your whole family. Have some pride man, and roll out the plastic!
Awww, what are you talking about? Satan would love to get this portable pocket version of the underworld as a dowry gift. Just, whatever you do – don’t touch the hair!
Cooking mistakes so bad someone had to take a picture of it
Marilyn Caylor
12.13.20
Just in time for the holidays is a feast of epic cooking fails that are so terribly bad, they’re actually funny!
From PETA-friendly “skinned-cat cakes” to soft boiled eggs that look like Humpty Dumpty’s psychotic new girlfriend, here are 25 of the best (or should I say, worst) mistakes that people have ever made in the kitchen.
