Lots of bars and cafes have chalkboard signs that they set outside of their businesses to draw customers in. Most places just use them to list their various specials and hours. However, these 70 hilarious establishments don’t play by the rules. They just write whatever they want.
They came up will all sorts of clever ways to get people’s attention that are far from what you would typically expect, and in the process, they had everyone totally cracking up. We’ve gathered the funniest ones we could find to share with you today. While we’re not sure how much business these clever messages will drum up for the cafes and bars, they are good for a few free laughs.
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Abdel El Loko
1. Eat Lots Here
Every restaurant chalkboard sign needs a solid attention-grabbing headline. This restaurant definitely gets it. What better way to pull people off the street than by telling them that if they eat more, they won’t get kidnapped?
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Fishamatician
2. Lesson Of The Day
If you’ve been away from the dance floor for a while, don’t worry. This bar will help get you up to speed on the latest trends. The first lesson involves a hot new dance style called twerking.
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CANT_TRUST_HILLARY
3. Accurate Depiction
This cafe came up with a thoughtful way of encouraging more customers to enter their establishment. They drew a before and after picture of what happens when you drink your morning coffee there.
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Jag4747
4. UV Protection
This pub has one of the smartest chalkboard messages that we’ve seen. Most people wait until the evening to start drinking, but they found a clever way to get more people interested in partying during the day.
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Ludop0lis
5. Skipping Workouts
This coffee shop puts a different funny message out on their chalkboard every day. They have their demographics dialed in. For most people, pie and lattes sound like a much better option than toiling away in the gym.
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cosmicbeing90
6. Quieting The Brain
This den of debauchery was not afraid to put things bluntly. If you drink there, you’ll probably lose some brain cells. However, for the finest whiskeys in the world, it might be worth it.
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imgur.com
7. Lowering Inhibitions
Everyone dances better when they’ve been drinking. Or at least they think they do. The next day, though, is sure to be one full of blurry regrets.
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Psychoprozac
8. The End Is Near
In the case of a zombie apocalypse, they’ve got you covered. A lot of people are pretty worried that might become a thing these days with all of the crazy new flu viruses and mosquito-born illnesses popping up.
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Riidomz
9. Altered Perceptions
This sign was spotted outside a wine tasting bar in California’s Napa Valley. They want you to know about some benefits of wine. Just a couple of glasses a day can drastically change the way that you perceive the world.
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Borderhopinmex
10. Dear Alcohol
Alcohol makes all parts of your personality better. You become funnier, come up with more intelligent things to say, and even get increased stamina on the dance floor. But, there are some downsides to the relationship…
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fish175
11. Honest Mistake
This bar made a big error and almost alienated their customer base. However, at the end of the sign, they added in a clarification. They were actually referring to a different species.
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Imgur
12. Drunk Conversation
Smartphones have completely transformed the way we communicate with one another. Everyone is always connected now, but this bar encourages everyone to put down the phones and get back to actually conversing in person.
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veszpremkukac
13. Kittens And Coffee
Children get some additional freebies just for hanging out at this bar. No purchases are necessary. As long as they don’t have parents around supervising them, they’ll get a kitten and an espresso.
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BannedForNSFW02
14. Bar Therapy
Forget about your problems for a while at this Irish watering hole. They host a support group that meets pretty much around the clock. There is always a fellow drunk or two hanging out there, waiting to listen.
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PensivePanda18
15. Life’s Necessities
This pub has the solution to hunger, thirst, and loneliness. It’s a three for one deal. How could anybody possibly pass it up?
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Bored Panda
16. Beer Is #1
Truer words have never been spoken. It might not be grammatically correct, but the message is loud and clear. Educate yourself on the finer things in life inside.
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Marta Dinis
17. False Advertising
What better way to get people through the door than by offering free beer and topless bartenders? Although, if you read the fine print, you’ll see that the offer isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.
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lilcox
18. Life Stories
It’s a pretty solid marketing pitch. If you drink alcohol, your stories will be much more exciting. You never know what’s going to happen once you starting throwing down shots of tequila.
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lunaticninja
19. Lunch Special
We’ll have the soup of the day, served on the rocks, please. It might not be as nutritious as some soups, but it certainly hits the spot. After consuming it, we feel great.
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Bored Panda
20. BYOW
They serve as much beer and spirits as you can handle, but if women are what you are looking for, you better bring your own. This is a serious drinking establishment and attracts a pretty rough crowd.
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CJRover13
21. Love Hate Thing
Humans do this weird thing when it comes to alcohol. One day, we hate it and swear off drinking forever. Then, a few days later, we are lining up at the bar for another drink.
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Whitaker999
22. Drunk Special
If you pay double for the first beer, the second is free. It’s not a great deal. Although, if a person were drunk, it wouldn’t be too hard to get tricked by this slick bar special.
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Imgur
23. I Love You, Tequila
Valentine’s Day is a great time to go to the bar. After all, drinking tequila with all of the single people in the city is so much more fun than sitting at home alone. Te amo, tequila.
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Texas14
24. Taste Of Victory
Here we have another pub with a great soup of the day special. It is one of the most satisfying types of soup that a place could offer. If you are consuming it, it means you have won.
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Bored Panda
25. Bar Phone Rates
This bar offers various hiding from the wife packages. If the establishment receives a call from your wife, how the bartenders respond depends entirely on how much you pay them. The prices range from one to five pounds.
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Tapdance_Epidemic
26. Right This Way
Based on the directions scribbled on this chalkboard, there is only one clear option — enter the bar. There is no telling what could be around the next corner. You might run into dangerous wildlife.
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TheNewestUsername
27. Bacon Poem
This restaurant utilizes several different chalkboards outside their doors. Each one has something to do with meat — especially pork. Bacon is one of the most alluring foods.
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Bored Panda
28. After-Hours Daycare Center
This Edinburgh pub brings up a good point — bars are basically daycare centers for adults. Drop a guy off in a bar with a handful of money and it’s likely that he will be perfectly content to just sit there all day.
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Sultana
29. Real Life Dating
People used to go out to the bars to make new romantic friends. Now, Tinder and online dating have pretty much replaced that. The bar had to reinvent their marketing pitch to keep up with the times.
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n1ghthawk05
30. Read Carefully
This sign has different meanings depending on how closely you read it. From a distance, the only words visible are “Naked Waitresses Flirt With You”. However, the truth is in the smaller text.
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tunisij
31. Group Numbers
At some point, the phrase “I can’t even” entered our vocabulary and the world was forever changed. It’s now used by young adults everywhere. This bar attempted to discourage the use of the phrase by poking fun at it.
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boomchaos
32. Put Down The Phone
Sending a drunk text to an ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend can only ever end one way — badly. This bar took it upon themselves to remind their patrons of that fact before entering. They don’t want them making any late-night mistakes.
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ihateandloveimgurinequalmeasure
33. Two Rules
If you want to be successful in life, just follow the two rules on this bar chalk sign. The first one is about not being too eager to share personal information. The second is… well, we’re not sure. It’s conveniently missing.
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Rory Murphy
34. Chemical Solutions
It’s common knowledge that drinking isn’t the best way to fix problems. However, this bar begs to differ. According to their science, drinking is a perfectly acceptable solution.
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Amber Chalmers
35. Choose Coffee
On the other hand, this cafe would argue that coffee is the solution to your problems. Whether everything is okay, or not, a hot cup of joe is clearly the answer. All roads lead back to the cafe.
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krist9krist
36. Joke Board
This chalkboard sign had the bar patrons cracking up. The bar regularly writes new jokes up there. It is so much more interesting than hanging up another boring photo or neon sign like most bars do.
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marley_the_cat
37. Strange Emotions
Kids these days are always inventing new words. For example, “hangry”. You may have heard of it before. It’s a cross between hungry and angry. Luckily, this bar has an easy way to resolve the unpleasant feeling.
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Rory Murphy
38. Cookie Problems
In the song “99 Problems”, rapper Jay-Z states that he has “99 problems but a b*tch ain’t one”. Cookie Monster does a similar cover of the tune. However, he does change up the lyrics a little bit…
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BigALpple
39. Stay Connected
Some bars are anti-technology, but this place actually encourages smartphone use. They offer unlimited free wifi to their customers. As long as you are drinking, you can watch all of the cat videos that you want.
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Amy Glendinning
40. Ice Cold
Cold beer is the best beer, and this bar has the coldest around. How cold is it, you might ask? Just check out the comparison they made and you’ll understand.
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xymox
41. Man’s Worst Enemy
This chalkboard sign sits right behind the bar. The current message encourages people to love their enemy — alcohol. Another way to put it is to embrace your demons and get drunk.
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Katarzyna Chmielewska
42. Love Of Margaritas
This bar loves the frozen lemon-lime tequila cocktails even more than rapper Kanye West loves himself. Now that’s saying something! Everyone knows how big of an ego the man has.
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howdoichangethis
43. Liquid Happiness
You can’t buy happiness, but according to this cafe, there is an alternative that is essentially just as good. Their recommendation is to give coffee a try. It’s joy in a mug.
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Heather Riseborough
44. Beer And Bacon
Bacon can’t solve all of your problems, but it can solve most of them. For everything else, there is beer. We recommend alternating between the two. One slice of bacon for every pint is a decent ratio to abide by.
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1stepclosertobeingacrazycatlady
45. Fake Freebies
Here is another bar that uses the fine print to disguise their true message. It appears as though they are offering free beer. However, the reality is it is only free wi-fi.
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Julija Neje
46. Tea Coffee Cocaine
This coffee shop gets people through their doors by tempting them with hard drugs. Do they really offer cocaine? You’ll have to enter to find out.
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Bored Panda
47. Coffee Experience
When it comes to coffee, there is only so much that can be conveyed through words. It is a beverage you really have to taste to understand. That’s what this chalkboard sign proposes.
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Mrs Pflug
48. Upset Nacho Chip
Pub food isn’t known for being the best, but it can be a lot of fun to joke about. Sometimes, the different foods even have arguments with one another, as demonstrated by this pub sign.
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Bored Panda
49. Bar Kittens
This sign features an alcoholic kitten complaining about life. The poor cat ran out of vodka to drink, and the other cat just doesn’t understand. It was always happy with plain old milk.
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SweetPotatoSmallPotato
50. Hodor?
This bar sign is banking on the fact that their customers like Game of Thrones. If you are a fan of the show, you’ll understand. In the series, the character named Hodor says his own name a lot.
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Imgur
51. Alluring Bacon
Bacon has a strange allure to it that’s impossible to resist for many people. It’s something this business clearly understands. They hypnotize their customers by holding a slice of the salt-cured pork in front of their faces.
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Bored Panda
52. The Golden Age
Oh, to go back to 1993. It was an era before widespread cell phone usage. People actually talked to each other when they went out to bars. Today, people just have their faces glued to their devices all of the time.
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Tamara Hediger
53. You Need More Alcohol
This is a pretty smart marketing play by the bar. They provide a very convincing argument for why you need to go get drunk there. Just the fact that you can read the sign proves their point.
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VampriruM
54. Birthday Coincidence
Just like a broken clock is right twice a day, this funny sign is right once a year. If you happen to be walking by on the day of your birthday, you might be a little weirded out.
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duncan
55. Adult Creche
Just in case you were wondering, a creche is a British term for a nursery. This bar operates one inside of their establishment. They specialize in adult care, particularly adult men.
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TamaraBrookes
56. Celebrity Chef
This restaurant is unofficially sponsored by Justin Timberlake. First, he helped to bring sexy back. Now, his mission is bringing back breakfast foods. Every day at 9 am, he is serving up bacon and eggs.
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zach634827
57. Benefits Of Whiskey
This hilarious sign was spotted outside of a pub in Vienna, Austria. The lads have a great sense of humor there. According to them, the real measure of a man is his ability to drink whiskey.
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Amber Chalmers
58. Drink More Worry Less
Booze helps with everything. Even the most obscure problems can be solved by indulging in the delicious fermented beverage. Or at least, you can numb them temporarily…
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tribes
59. Wonderful Wine
We imagine this is how most wine connoisseurs think. There is always a reason to partake in the lovely grape elixir. It’s made of fruit, so it’s healthy, right?
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Julia Hinz
60. Life Choices
Booze, food, and fun — it sounds like the perfect life. We’ll take that option every time over the typical mundane life. Although, eventually, the booze wears off, reality sets in, and you’re left with a headache and a light wallet.
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DecaturHomes247
61. Caffeine Screams
Yawns are a natural response to a lack of coffee. They have nothing to do with staying up too late or not getting enough sleep. If you are yawning, you need a caffeine fix.
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Eshin Godfrey
62. Drunk Texting
While this bar’s message might not be that appealing to most, it is a true statement. Sexting and alcohol go hand in hand. One facilitates the other.
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Swagrocket
63. Decision Making
This sarcastic sign argues that if your life is going too smoothly, it’s because you are making too many sober decisions. Of course, there is one sure-fire way to change that — drink a couple of pints.
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Bored Panda
64. Value Of Beer
Beer is the pinnacle of what grain can become. Every other form it is consumed in is a letdown in comparison. Although, beer is much pricier than bread, so of course, you’ll have to take that into account too. What is your happiness worth?
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Michaela Fuchs
65. Weathering The Storm
This bar used the inclement weather to their advantage. Their sign makes a good point — you can either stay outside in the rain or enter the warm bar and wait out the storm while enjoying a drink.
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Imgur
66. Bean Juice
This is exactly something that scientist Rick Sanchez from Rick and Morty would say. The drawing is pretty incredible too. It captures the essence of the cartoon character perfectly.
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TheTrueMarkNutt
67. Sober Camel
Any individual that can go without having a drink for over a week is not to be trusted. At least, according to American comedian Joe E. Lewis. A sober camel is a suspicious camel.
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larbar
68. Free Bacon
“I’m not sure if I want bacon,” said no one ever. Just the mere mention of something negative about bacon is grounds for being slapped. How could anyone not like the delicious greasy meat?
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terrible_comments
69. Zero Specials
A lot of places offer various food specials to get people in the doors. However, this bar offers none. They simply give customers what they really want — cheap beer. It’s not a special, it’s an everyday thing.
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NOTtheGoddamnLochNessMonster
70. Combo Deal
This bar-restaurant is located in Andalucia, Spain. They offer food and drinks for a few Euros each. However, laughing and enjoying yourself is free.
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Sere
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