When it comes to food, human beings don’t play around. We love our food. We eat it at every life event, share it with others, pass down recipes from our family members, and invent fad diets. We’re vegetarian, pescatarian, vegan, and self-professed carnivores.
We eat cake to celebrate birthdays and ice cream while we cry over broken relationships. We attach superstitions to peas and beans and eat them on New Year’s Eve. And if you’ve ever been to a party where there wasn’t any food, you’ll know that it wasn’t a fun party.
Yes, there’s no doubt about it: the human race loves to eat. That’s why we binge-watch cooking shows on Netflix even if there’s not a chance we will ever cook ourselves. We also attach a lot of meaning to food. We put together meal trains for families with new babies and those who have lost a loved one. We cook one another our favorite meals and make special dishes for different holidays. We may eat to survive, but it’s so much more than that.
So, the next time you’re eating a block of cheese in the kitchen at 3 a.m., think these deep thoughts about food and enjoy.
1. I’m sorry, Mom. I get it now.
2. No garlic is too much garlic.
3. Seriously, is there a scientific explanation for this?
4. You got too confident.
5. Bananas are all about missed opportunities.
6. Bananas and avocados are in on it together.
7. Remember, it’s important to stay hydrated.
8. So don’t touch my knife, MOM.
9. Bring on the heartburn.
10. There is something magical about toast.
11. If your arms aren’t shaking by those last few steps, you’re doing it wrong.
12. Spoons think they’re being so helpful.
13. There’s a very specific procedure for Netflix and snacking.
14. Subtitles are always the right choice, anyway.
15. I feel personally attacked by this.
16. This is why I’m always hungry and there’s never anything to eat.
17. Why do I do this every single time??
18. Where’s the setting for “Calm down, I’m just making quesadillas”?
19. Everything hurts.
20. Guess I know what lunch will be for the next week.
21. And YES, IT IS MY THIRD PIECE, OKAY?
22. Don’t get overconfident with that spatula.
23. Usually when microwaving leftovers at 4:00 a.m.
24. If I say it wrong, everyone will notice.
25. When in doubt, just eat more food.
26. The limit does not exist.
27. Who needs food when you have caffeine?
28. I know it was five years ago, but still.
29. Food just speaks to me.
30. It’s a travel table, obviously.
31. Cake is there to get you through the tough times.
Cake is a dangerous thing to have in the house. Whenever there’s the slightest reason to have a piece, you’re going to. There was a lot of traffic, you didn’t have time to shower, or you forgot to return a library book? You call those minor problems, I call them “reasons for cake.”